Thoughts and feelings on a rainy Friday

Being a mother and wife are way more then a full time job, add in a photography business and I know I have a lot on my plate. Too often I find myself caught up in worries and concerns about my business. Why didn’t that person hire me? Why don’t I have the following or business I think I deserve after over ten years in the industry? Where should I set my prices, my products and my advertising?

I get frustrated, angry even, and when I get stuck in an internal tantrum I feel my creativity shut down, and my ability to be a compassionate and loving mother dwindle.

I have plenty of answers for myself, most of which are completely valid. Even if I have been a photographer for the last twelve years, lets be honest, most of my time has been spent in other pursuits. My husband’s school and deployment, pregnancy, child birth and rearing, five moves; it is little wonder that my photography has had to take a back seat at times. It has been wonderful to allow my wants and desires to ebb and flow, I know that is not an opportunity everyone receives and I am grateful.

 

It is hard to have balance between both worlds, and due to social media, I sometimes think everyone else is getting both. A wonderful family life and a successful professional life. I know social media does not portray reality and this conflict of perceptions is probably the most written about topic in the blogging world. However, I do still have days when it still affects me, no matter what my rational brain knows. 

It is times like these that I come back to my images. What I see gives me a great surge of gratitude for what I have been blessed with. A beautiful, chaotic and sometimes messy life. Quiet moments when I can simplify my life and take a moment to actually think. A loving family and wonderful friends. I may not have the phone ringing off the hook with customers at this season in my life and that is okay. I get time to spend with these children who are changing faster everyday. 

When I want to quit, or send my life in a completely different direction, this list of thankfulness grounds me. The desire and drive for creativity propels me as I try to capture just one small moment of this life. I still have a long path before me as a mother and photographer. I will continue to learn, grow, and most importantly find joy in the moments that are making up our life.

This is why I do what I do.